My Journey to Femininity

This is an account, told by Laura C., about her journey to femininity. I am sure you will be encouraged and helped by her story.

As a young teenager, I thought that if I were tall and thin and beautiful that I would act like a lady, but since I was short and stout, I decided that I didn’t fit into the feminine lady category. So I took pride in my athletic abilities (after all, I did take after my muscular Daddy’s build). I often challenged other teenage girls—and boys—to races, and I always won. I exercised a full hour each day, including executing a set of twenty perfect pushups. Even though I knew I never would join, I liked to imagine myself in the military, physically fit to challenge the best.

I preferred the things my brothers did, such as camo, guns, and war movies, while Sarah enjoyed spending ‘girl’ time with Momma--going shopping and talking for hours on end. I was also more emotionally stable than Sarah, and so saw myself as well-balanced and emotionally strong; something, I thought, guys liked better. I noted that there were two ways to get boys’ attention: be totally beautiful (I was out on that one), or compete with them… and be better! I didn’t know it at the time, but feminism had its hold on me.

Things changed a bit when I started having facial and throat swelling for several months. For those who have never experienced that, I can tell you that it’s scary!! Thinking it was a food allergy, I went off basically everything, and lived on rice cakes and Benadryl. I lost a lot of weight, becoming very weak, and started having trouble with my thyroid, being freezing cold and excessively tired all day long (I would take a 3-4 hour nap over dinner, and fall asleep with no problem at bedtime!) The Lord eventually brought me out that, as a slightly different person; I was no longer as physically strong as I was, but I still felt self-sufficient. If femininity meant being wimpy and delicate and in love with pink, I still wasn’t going to have any part of it!

I then wanted to go into law and politics, thinking that I was God’s balanced and conservative gift for the liberality of mankind. I started studying all I could, wistfully thinking that I would be the most outstanding and capable lawyer’s assistant in the office. But again, just dreaming, and not really believing it would happen.

The Lord then led us to Vision Forum ministries. Every week as we drove to and from church (about an hour’s time) and as we went on any trips, we were literally held captive together as a family as we listened over and over again to Doug Phillip’s messages. Even though I started out eagerly listening to the Witherspoon School of Law and Public Policy CDs, I soon didn’t have the time to continue. Quite unknown to me, though, the Lord was beginning a subtle work in my heart, which I can’t really describe as I wasn’t aware that any heart change was going on!

Soon after that, I was helping teach at a week-long children’s program in Vancouver, B.C., as we had done for years. Two girls were helping who had just gotten back from a Christian girls’ program that was a replica of their men’s military-like boot camp. I had always dreamed of going there!! My best friend and I excitedly questioned them about it. After we finished talking with them, though, we turned around, a little doubtful. Those two girls were further down the road where I wanted to go. But it was not a pretty sight. They were hard, and acted disgustingly manly and proud. Did I really want to be like that?? The answer was a resounding NO! On the way home that evening, others in the van were talking positively about the program those girls had just returned from. Then our driver, a single godly young man several years older than me, asked my friend and me what we thought of it. I was sure he thought it was great, and respecting him, I wanted his approval, but then and there I decided I was certain that I could not give him a positive answer. “Well, it sounds neat and all,” I timidly began, “but I think that I want to be a feminine lady.” I had never really thought of what I had just said, so cringing, I waited for his response. “Exactly my thoughts!!” he stated with strong conviction. “I would never marry a girl who had gone there!” Wow!! I was encouraged, to say the least! He was the first young man I had come across who didn’t expect-- and enjoy-- girls competing with men and following the world’s standards of feminism.

I think the Lord used that incident to finally and fully open my eyes to the pure and simple beauty of His design of manhood and womanhood. I started eagerly taking in what I heard and read and saw about godly femininity. Before, I had purposefully and determinedly avoided that which was ladylike. Praise be to God, I now love and embrace being feminine!! Once I allowed the Lord to cleanse me of my bitterness and pride in this area, I discovered that I loved the things I had previously resisted. Things like pink and pearls and girlyness :-) Now when I hear a girl attacking ‘pink,’ I know the issue is bigger than it appears.

And does femininity mean being wimpy and delicate? Far from it! That is the world’s definition of femininity. There is a difference between being tough and being strong; between having high self-esteem and pride, and being bold and confident. I love picking up Daughters of Destiny by Noelle Wheeler and delving into the stories of our pioneer mothers. Their adventurous strength and feminine beauty was unmatched! Real guys are looking for feminine girls… sturdy girls who can gut a chicken, help build his home and raise his children, and who shine with womanly beauty! (And they are looking for girls who bravely and cheerfully live in reality, rather than in the easy, but dangerous, dream world of fake Hollywood people!) And please know that I have not, by any means, arrived!! My sisters and I are still learning together, and often see an ideology of ours blown to pieces! :-)

The men in our home, especially our brothers, have so encouraged us girls by standing behind us in our femininity, becoming more manly and protective as we become more feminine and appreciative to them. We say that though the world be against us, we have God’s truth, and we have our brothers who stand with us, so we are strengthened in our battle against feminism!


By: Laura C.